I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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