Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
