We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
