I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
