i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize