she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
