Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
