oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
