she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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