well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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