So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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