Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
