Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize