we have officially lost it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
