did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
