DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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