Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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