Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
