I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
