just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
