You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize