I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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