Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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