Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
These tits shall not be calmed
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize