If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
