You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
