they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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