Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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