they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
