Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
