I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
