Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
