Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
