Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize