8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You're like the curious george of whores
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
