so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
