Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize