I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
