i jhust puked up my retainher.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
