i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize