Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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