Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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