I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
