this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
