I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
