He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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