ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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