I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
