i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
