do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
