found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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