Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
