someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize