That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
