I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
