i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
