Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
