I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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