You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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