You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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