This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
