Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
