i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The feeling are messing with the penis
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
