So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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