im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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