she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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