I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
