Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
