u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
