Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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