If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
