I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
