I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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