I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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