Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize